Busting this Divorce - Moving Out

[25yearsmlc]

Ahhhh....

(There! I thought I'd get that^^ off my chest. )

Thank you for making that clear Wonka. She is clearly angry and resentful and yes her reasons for her anger with me and our life are real. I share a lot of them.

true. She's not "insane" to feel sad or angry and you're right, she has reasons. The ones you share with her are probably not the same, but so what?

It's good now and then, to simply acknowledge that there are parts of this that are not delusional or wacky.


I can see how she can see her problems being solved going this way despite the immense pain she's causing all of us including herself. She's just so vehemently angry.. then she gets sad and depressed. Hard to see how anything could be worth all this destruction.

I hear you. I really do.

But she has a lot of stuff that comes from the earlier years in the m (in which you play a role)

AND from her childhood, some of which overlap w/the m, and or confirm her fears.

IMO She was raised to DOUBT that she was/is worthy of a "great epic love" and then you came along and to her, confirmed that b/c you both seemed to believe your OW was your "real" love....

Yet now you are confusing her by saying you DO want the marriage to her to work, and then you seem tired of all the drama, (which might striker her as inconsistent, no matter how reasonable to us)

and the actual issues from your m also are playing a role and now, finally, she's facing her own demons too. That's a big lousy combination...


When she came in here a little while ago... I see we both have the same high stress on our faces. I will work to get back to the calm cool guy I was the other day.


That's ^^ a smart solution based approach to take now. GOOD!

Funny... she called me b/c she was having car trouble. Got mad at me b/c I didn't answer.

I'm just tired of her now after these past days despite the fact that I am in a lot of pain over her choices. I know there's nothing I can do or say to soothe her anger and cause her to have faith in us again. There was so much I wanted to say during her speech this morning.

And thank you for you script. Regarding me truth darting her A... I see she has separated her actions in 2...


Just one comment about the "truth darts", (Other than not being hypocritical with them) and that is to limit them to at most 2 per "session".

More than 2, won't get through.

1. she does not love me now and does not see a future for us.

2. she wants her AP to solve her problems.

Whenever I truth dart her on her #2... she says what we're going through has nothing to do with the #2. She always throws #1 back at me. So, even without the A, she still won't get past #1.

So I'm done talking to her. I'm ready to happily learn to live on my own with s11 for 6 months. Then I'll re-evaluate and go another 6 months depending. Then that's it.

This^^ is a great plan with little to no downside and huge potential for upside.

I think you should Stay on this path as long as you can.

Also sticking with the 95% reduction in contact with W. No R talks. Not even if she starts talking right? She says she wants to be heard. She told me "At least OM listens" after I stopped really talking to her.


You could listen (= gather intel about her newest phase or what is really sticking and not changing with each week's passing)

And simply NOT really reply...Maybe just say "thanks for sharing that. Now I have to process what you just said..."

and so she cannot say you don't listen
and yet you can avoid making a decision in the heat of the moment/pain.

And that you so much for saying that I am DBing. Often I am not sure. It gives me hope that I'm really doing something that might bring us all together again as a family one day. Despite how rough this has been... part of me still wants that. If she ever does... I know we can work it out. We're both good people in a bad place.

Keep^^ this healthy attitude, in mind. IT'll serve you well no matter what.

She'll be home any minute now with s11. I can be cool calm and happy around her.

I have a lot to look forward to.

GREAT PMA and GREAT DBing. Good for you HP. Keep it up.

You really can do this.