rpp, I overlooked the red flags because I grew up with some fuzzy boundaries and interactions. Mine originated in my childhood, and I got them from my parents. I'm not saying that I blame them, but it was our modus operandi to accept people as they are and then try and save them. (ICK!) Then I read Melody Beatty and wound up in Al Anon and I made some headway there. But it wasn't until I was in my 40s that I really got the divine knock on the head.
After a split with my first BF post-D (it was traumatic as well), I scheduled an appointment with my psychic friend for some regression therapy. Before we could even get to that, I walked in the door and he yelled at me. "From here on out, YOU need to pay attention to those red flags and dump them when you see them. You can't fix them or encourage them to be different with you!" I definitely felt blindsided. He calmed down and at the end of my session, told me my assignment: to learn how to sever relationships that were not good for me. I didn't have to be an a*hole to do that. Just firm.
I've taken that assignment seriously since. And you know what? I still feel a little bit guilty about not giving people second chances, but hell. I'm 52. At my age, people just aren't going to be different because I wish them to be. It's healthy. And while I was uncomfortable about taking that extreme action, I could hear his words and I felt GREAT about not allowing the dysfunctional soul suckers in my life. Yee ha!
Something tells me you have a lot of dysfunctional people in your periphery. People who keep you down because it's comfortable for them. Have you ever noticed that misery DOES love company? The people who aren't motivated by change stay there. It's easier for them to complain than it is to change. You're not that way, and for awhile, it will be uncomfortable to take that stage. But you'll feel so much happier letting that light shine (as Bug said). Imagine yourself as a butterfly. Well, you are in the cocoon, and your time is coming. Are you gonna be a butterfly or a moth?
I'm putting money down on a beautiful butterfly.
Hugs, sweet pea.
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
