I'm sure that Bug will catch up and offer some questions for you, and I'd like to do the same.
You sound like you have a lot going on with your kids and activities. I know first hand how much juggling can deplete energy and the ability to focus on things at hand.
I wonder if you've always been so agreeable in regards to your H? And have you always been silent on issues that bother you so that you act out passive aggressively? I can give you some examples from your posts if that is more helpful. But as I read through your posts, I saw a woman who was silently in such pain but unwilling to fight for herself and what is important. You seem to keep a stiff upper lip when you've said here you're breaking inside. Has your H *ever* seen that side of you? I wonder if he thought that you really don't care by what you've said to him?
Please don't misunderstand that I think you should be a rager. I don't! But your silent anger is present for a reason, and my guess is from a childhood wound that you haven't addressed. Or could it be your culture? I'm not sure. I'm just interested in hearing how you came to this point. Do you suppress your emotions to the point where others feel you are aloof or indifferent? I know you said that things are better after the bomb, but I wonder why.
You mentioned that he feels you are not taking care of yourself. Have you always let him be the thermostat for how you feel? Personally, I'd feel as though that is a very unreasonable burden and I'd not want it either. I think he's giving you a road map to what he needs from a partner. Can you see this? Are you lonely? Do you depend on him to be your main source of friendship to the exclusion of others? I don't mean acquaintances. I mean deep, emotionally connected relationships with other people.
I would love to hear what sort of background you have to understand your passive aggressiveness. If you can tap into the why, you can change and learn how to express yourself honestly and with humility. Anger isn't a deal breaker, Pink. But how you get angry just might be. Passive aggressiveness comes from a long time survival technique and unless you address the why, you won't be emotionally honest with people.
So if you could share, that would be great.
Hugs-Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
