1. Perhaps you still aren't as much in "piecing" as you thought you were, and you're more in Divorce Busting. Your wife's need for space and her lack of transparency might be clues.
2. It's natural for you to have made saving your marriage (and, therefore, your wife) and idol. We all were there. It seems the ONLY thing that matters is getting your marriage back in order. Of course no human being can survive being someone else's god or goddess. It's suffocates them while it turns you into servile priest trying to appease their anger and predict their every desire.
3. This tells me you haven't really been Getting a Life for yourself, you've just been your changing behavior to win your wife back. Because if you actually have a life, aside from saving you marriage, you wouldn't putting so much pressure on your wife. Does that make sense? Your are acting like you are footnote in your wife's life and you've been desperately trying to re-write yourself into her story. Do you have your own story? Who ARE you? What are you non-negotiables? She's tired of being the center of your life. Write your own story, then you can weave your stories together.
4. In one of my previous posts I talked about being a emotional chameleon. It works for a very short while. But in some way you lose yourself. You end up becoming a person doing GAL's and 180's in order to control the outcome of your wife's investment in the marriage. That's less than your best self. She senses you aren't your "real" self. You are someone walking on eggshells always adjusting to her every move trying to get her to re-commit.
5. Having said this, I realize at this stage in your situation it's super-hard to find yourself, and stop pursuing your wife. Here are 2 things maybe you can do. For a while, stop talking about "your relationship" except in the marriage counselor's office. It's a safe place and it gives you some room. If Karate was not a good thing for you or your marriage, perhaps take up something else, with less of a time suck, that gets you out of your own head. This sounds silly, but take care of yourself. Ask yourself, "What does Shodan want?"
