I think what people mean when they say they want their spouse back "as before" they mean they want the spouse that hasn't decided to check out. They want the opportunity to go from when the R problems started and try and fix things before their spouse got to the point where they needed to A or walk away.
Hind site is 20/20, and all that.
ME: 38 BF: 40 T: 10y, no kids, no M (by choice) BD: 7/14/14, BF admits to PA, wants out, lies about new R. 10/1/14: I move out, BF lies about move in with OW 12/4/14: OW confronted, reveals all the lies
