I know I'm early into this and while a part of me wants to stomp my foot and say, "I am not!!" I know this stuff takes a long time.
I also know my H and he'll only give this separation a year. He gave me a year to fix the marriage. When I didn't, he left. Now were separated. At my request only. He would have filed in July and never looked back. He says he's living in an apartment he hates and whatnot for my sake. I have a hard time believing that but I can only go off what he tells me, right?
Based on history, if he doesn't feel like staying married to me by the end of June, he's gone. Granted, he hasn't filed anything official but I don't know that that means anything. I feel strung along.
He is granting me this separation. Why? Because I asked for it.
But if I talk to him about things (which I won't do anymore because I'll end up on the floor with the vacuum again) he wants a divorce, can't get past all the things I did to him during our marriage, only sees everything as my fault, is very angry, etc.
He is in IC but claims to be getting nothing out of it.
He took himself off antidepressants because "they're not doing anything" back in May or June.
I guess it's pretty clear he's out and done. So why not file? Even for a legal separation?
There's so much more going on behind all this. He's unhappy with his career (which he has blamed on me).
He is unhappy with his weight (which he has blamed on me).
He's unhappy in our marriage (which, again, is also all me).
Ugh, it's so complicated and I'm not very good at articulating it all.
But you're right, he has made his choices. But he's not the only one living with the natural consequences of them.
Boundaries I can set. I don't tell him where his keys, etc are. What bothers me is his expectation that I SHOULD.
And that he doesn't see the absolute chaos surrounding me when he's asking.
It doesn't matter.
I just don't know where to go from here.
I guess I should practice what I preach to Card and live like I'm already dead. That's a lot easier when I don't have to interact with him over 10,000 things related to D.
