How long is too long?

[2thepoint]

What could be some of the signs that W is ready to talk?

I don't think that you can rely on signs. Every time I thought I was seeing a "sign" it turned out to be a false alarm. It is important to not mistake compassion or guilt for a signal that your W is interested in a reconciliation. If she wants to make another go of it, I suspect it will be more overt. In other words, you will know.

Then again, perhaps I am not the best person to ask this sort of question. I've been separated for over 3 years now and I am highly doubtful that my W has any interest in a reconciliation. She is deep in her depression and is only capable of caring for the kids, maintaining her job and that is really about it. Sad as it is, I think that she will wake up one day after the boys are grown and on their own and realize that, "oh crap, I'm alone!" At that point it will be much to late.

Which leads me to tip #5:

5). Give yourself time. Lots of it! The gift of time is just that, a gift. Use that gift wisely. Do the soul searching and necessary work to understand what contributions you made to the demise of your marriage. Fix those things and keep at it. It is important not to rush things. As much as your heart aches and you want things to go back to the way they were, think about what is likely to happen if you rush back to the same dysfunction that you had before.