Your best time to negotiate in any deal is BEFORE the sale is complete.
In other words.. when she wanted to work things out was probably going to be your best shot at getting true transparency because you had some leverage.
It looks like this..
W. I have decided I made a big mistake and love you and want to do anything to make this work..
YOU. Well, I too would like to make this work, but I have some conditions that are not negotiable before I am willing to try.. 1. No contact ever 2. No contact letter that I approve 3. Willingness to answer any and all questions I have honestly. Complete and total honesty no matter how much it hurts. 4 Access to all passwords, etc.... 5. Marriage counseling... 6. etc. etc....
She then gets to disagree or not.. You have left her with a decision to make when she wants it the most..(new car smell)
(See.. no pressure.. take it or leave it in that example)(Her free choice to make)
Now that you are already piecing you have lost that leverage. That's like trying to take a new car back to the dealer you have driven for a month and wanting to negotiate a better price with some upgrades too...
Now it will all be seen as pressure, where as in the beginning it would look like strength... (See the difference?)
Your best options now are to just tell her that you would PREFER transparency, but you aren't going to pressure her or ask her anymore..... It's too late to negotiate or pressure or ask over and over because now it's pressure and coming across as weakness and low self esteem and pursuit(which you are discovering). You may as well just realize that you can also have a great reconciliation without it. Many, many others have. It isn't impossible.... So you have that option too.. Just let it go and move forward....
OR OPTION 2 Back off to the point that you tell her that you have done some thinking and this just isn't going to work for you because you have now realized that you want total transparency and she isn't willing or able to give it and since she can't that maybe it would be best to divorce..
Now THAT will take the pressure off and if she really wants to reconcile, put you back in a negotiation state...
