S20 went off to the UK for a yr the day after his 18th, I was sad to say goodbye to him but I think it was easier because he was leaving me and I still had H and S17 at home.
This time its me leaving my boys and its also alone - no h.
I am struggling a bit today - the reality of it all has hit me. Quite emotional TBH. I have days when I just don't get it - why us ? That he really has gone, that he really does not want me in his life anymore, thats it, finished, all gone.
It makes no sense at all; we were happy, planning our next stage of life and excited at the prospect of his new job and move .... and then BD. KaaaaaaBooooooom!!! Does not seem real sometimes.
I carry on, I suppose the best way to describe it is existing in life. I do all the GAL'ing and make decisions that don't include h, I keep going onwards - but he does not leave me, he is still very much apart of my heart and in my head.
I know I am clinging on to hope,and that is probably holding me back, but its so hard to let go. I read the success stories and that keeps me ever hopeful that mine will be one of those ....I know we all do ...
Been wrapping the boys stocking gifts today, getting them ready to go with S17 next week. Doing that did not help the sadness, as I know I wont get to see them open them this year. I know who they are spending it with - :o(
Ok, so this is a bad day. Tomorrow will be a better one :o)
