Dealing with WAW part 7

[pilot]

Hey guys. Thanks for checking in Lisa. I hope everyone is doing well with their DBing!

When I last posted in early October, I felt I needed to take a break and assess where I was and what I really wanted. It is hard to do that when you are absorbed in a DB forum. After much thought and reflection, I decided it was truly time to move on. I stopped any DB style interaction and basically shut her out except for things kid related. I was always pleasant, but never spoke with her when we saw each other. No hellos, no goodbyes. Heck I really did not even look at her.

I had a built in time period before any action could be initiated on my part in our new state regarding a D. She never did serve me in our old state. Monday following Thanksgiving was the first day I could file. I had an attorney draft up divorce papers. On Monday I decided to send her a text letting her know I had papers ready to file but if she wanted to sit down and discuss working together on a mutual agreement, I would be willing to listen. We agreed to meet that night. We met at a shopping area around dinner time. My dad took the kids and she and i went to a nice restaurant to grab a bite. We actually spoke casually, smiled, and for the next hour and a half it was like two happily married people. Then my dad called and said the kids were restless. So...we looked at eachother and as usual, she wanted me to start. So I told her what I was filing for and what I was claiming, as well as that I was seeking full custody of the kids. This seemed to have caught her off guard. She asked what would be involved in working something out outside of a courtroom. I said it would be as simple as doing what we are doing now. Sit down together and see what we could agree on. She wanted to know when I planned to file and I said that depends. If I hear from you before lunch tomorrow about working something out, then I will wait. If not, then I will file tomorrow. She said she would.

The next day around 2pm I had not heard from her so I sent her a text stating I had thought she was going to contact me. She said she needed more time. I said it has been 6 months. She again said she needed more time. I said I do not mean to be rude, but time for what? All we were supposed to decide on was to actually sit down and discuss what we could and could not agree on. She said she did not mean to be rude but needed more time. Then her communication stopped. I waited 30 minutes, and had the papers filed.

She has actually been sending me more friendly style text messages the week or so prior to this meeting. Those started around the day before Thanksgiving when coincidently? a girl who I had been hanging out with tagged us in Key West on facebook. Of course we were not actually in Key West...and the prior weekend we had tagged eachother in Las Vegas. Sort of a joke between us about wanting to be in fun places. My W was still blocked on FB so it was not done for her benefit. In any event, she has been more frequent in her texting and very liberal with her use of smiley faces and 'lol's.

A few days ago...Saturday, I had contacted her parents and told them I would like to sit down and talk with them. They said they were free that evening. So I drove the 4 hours, and met them at their house. We watched the last hour of the football game which was on and had friendly and pleasant conversations. Then I took them to dinner and after we ordered, got to why I was there. I told them that 8 years ago I snuck away from my house to come see them to ask their permission to marry their daughter, and that I promised them I would always love her and always be there for her. Now I felt I owed it to them to come up and stand before them and let them know I could no longer keep that promise and that I had filed for divorce. They said they understood. They recognized the efforts I had made and said they appreciated that. They also recognized their daughter has done nothing to try and work on the marriage or even discuss the divorce she had filed for in our previous state. They said the limbo she had me in was unfair. They said they were still holding out hope we will work things out and will until the papers are signed. We spoke more, and it was a good conversation. I felt I did the right thing. I told them I had not let their daughter know I had filed, but they were free to tell her about my visit and filing.

I am still getting the friendly texting FWIW. Perhaps she does not know... Not really relevant anyways. I am at peace with my decision. She will likely get served by the end of the week or early/mid next week.

Anyways, just an update for those who were kind enough to follow and offer support!! I hope everyone else is having more success than I did