Newcomer With Hope (3)

[Little]

Journaling: Dealing with being given up on, today. I feel like I gave and gave and gave to a man that just wants to cop-out by telling me that "we don't work together" and so that justified his choices to cheat and leave.

I sacrificed a lot for that man and did it willingly out of love. I know that in some aspects he felt guilty that I gave as much as I did, like he was holding me back, but I always told him that he can't make my choices for me. Besides, I feel that's what true love is all about: putting your loved one before you out of love. I did what I did because I'd rather have HIM.

If he and I don't work together it's because he made a choice not to work with me, on us. It's not that we're fundamentally incompatible, even if we're two WILDLY different people (we're not). It's that love is a choice you make daily and you have to keep making, even when the chips are down and things get hard.

I don't know where people got the idea that loving means no work, no effort, no hardship. That it's all smooth sailing and if it's not then it's too broken to fix and you should walk away from it.


Despite everything he and I have done to each other (IE: both our contributions to where we are right now), I still love BF. I would still choose to be with him if he ever wanted to come back. He doesn't, and he won't. Facts.

But I'm trying so hard to get over that a man I loved that deeply and that intensely just gave up on me.