I understand how it must feel to have a vanisher. So hurtful....
Our sitches are very similar except for this.
I think I do get some strange sense of my XH's still being 'connected' to us by virtue of his continued nasty attacks. The sense is of a man who can't let us be; for whom we are constantly on his mind. But not in a good way. I think he is just trying to punish us.
So really, the negative contacts are not about him wanting to have contact with us so much as him wanting someone to lash out at.
In this sense, I'm pretty certain vanishers haven't really forgotten; it's more likely that they keep their ruminations to themselves (lashers vs bottlers, if you like).
Anyway... your job situation sounds really promising. Good on you for getting to where you are. And there's plenty more where that came from, I'm sure!
