Mozza (6) + List of success stories

[Mozza]

The topic of the last few posts in Mozza 5 was: Can you nice your W back into the M? I'm engaging W every time she emails me, sometimes just for banter. It's something she liked with me and I was hoping to remind her that it's still all there. But in parallel, she's moving forward full speed with OM, even having him move into her apartment in January.

Wonka responded by endorsing what Sandi2 said to HPoirot.

Well, I may get switches in my Christmas stockings for saying this, but I would just have to say, "Sorry, too little too late". Then walk away. That is a truth dart that really needs to penetrate.

You see, this is just a taste she will need to experience. She has to see for herself that you are through with her. You have decided you won't take whatever crumbs she decides to leave for you. She needs to see what it must have been like for you. (Only she can't really feel the same as you did.) That is why it is important that you don't cave while she's applying this pressure.

That ^^ is the crux of the whole matter: not accepting crumbs from WAW. I hope every LBH reads this and lets that sink in in their wet noodle minds. HP, no it will signal the death knell of the M. Instead, it will signal the death knell of the Wet Noodle HP and show your W that you mean business when it comes to your boundaries.

This ^^ answers your earlier questions on what you are doing wrong. Exactly.

Can you do this with your W? Pull back and stop acting like a slobbering puppy around her.

I need to let that sink in. I'm back in my W's good graces and I still feel like she needs to see me as the person she fell in love with, which seems to be only possible if I'm a positive presence in her life. But I get that DB is counter-intuitive and that I might gain some respect from my W or that she might start to miss me if I disengage. Perhaps what I need is a Solutions Journal, as recommended by MWD, to track how she reacts to what. At the same time, I remember the words of Starsky309 (I believe): what works is what brings the WAS in the M, not what makes the WAS nice to the LBS.