New, looking for help. WAW won't communicate.

[okjpc]

I just had my third DB coaching session with Chuck. Since I can't afford my house w/o the W, it's in a short sale process with the bank. That means I'm not paying the mortgage any more until the house sells, or is foreclosed on. I mention this just to say I decided to use some the extra money for DB coaching instead of lavish xmas gifts, a GAL trip, or saving it. And i was really looking forward all week to the coaching session.

Today is my SD's 16th birthday - my D, S and I sent a card last week with a gift card inside. Chuck approved of the gesture. Haven't heard anything from the WAW about it. Other than this move, have been completely dark for a little over 2 weeks. It may not sound like much, but it has been very difficult for me to do. (I think it has been the right move, however.)

He told me today that going completely dark may not be the best 180 in my R b/c her expectation of me could very well be that i'm p'ed off and alone. Wedding anniversary is the week after next and Xmas week after that. He suggested i send my W a lighthearted anniversary card on Monday, not mentioning the R, saying ILY, etc. Then send an Xmas card the Monday after that and include some movie passes so my W can take her kids to a movie. But otherwise keep going dark and see if she makes contact.

That sounds like a good plan to me and it's comforting to have a couple of action items coming up during a tough month. I've been craving some kind of action since my WAW had been NC for two months. I haven't had any feedback mechanism for how my actions have been received. But, most importantly probably, I think the NC has really pushed me into positive GAL activities. And it's finally starting to penetrate that my GAL has to not be at all tainted with the desire to win back my WAW. I ended up taking the day off work, took a long walk at a local park (it's a beautiful 65 degree day here today) and am feeling more peaceful now.

Again, I appreciate everyone posting on this forum. I've read a lot of posts and I'm starting to get with the program. Over the past three days, I have had 3-4 solid feelings of detachment from the sitch and the W. And it is starting to feel like the GAL work I've been doing is helping with my PMA and starting to be for me more than a tactic to get my W to take notice.