Renew - I really like what your C said about quality time and artifical time. It is what builds intimacy. Funny she even said the good thing about family is they won't abandon you even in the rough times. I would like to think she still thinks of me in that way.
I've really been having a tough time the past couple days with detachment given when she draws closer, she then pulls back. Share with me her deepest concerns and fears, then is cold and still with whoever.
I've been trying to think if I'm overreacting emotionally since I've been feeling a bit violated from my last interactions with WAW. I've felt she was a little rude sun night when i dropped off tools at salon with all her GF there, especially mon. on phone with "7 of us here", and tues when she left VM was ok, but not friendly.
I haven't been able to really tell if i'm overreacting because of my emotions or not. Trying to look at these interaction if i were just a good friend to her, would I put up with this treatment? or would I let it slide?
My act as if is a relaxed friend (can't help using the intimate knowledge and connection to my advantage) attitude with no pressure that has essentially accepted her stated desires. This seems to be helping her be more comfortable with me and share with me more. Being her good friend, best bud, on her side, empahtizing with her feelings, has been good. I don't know if she really trusts anyone else out there the same as me since I know her best. So I don't want to jeopordize that.
At the same time, I need to do somthing for me. I've been prioritizing her first, then me. I'm thinking of flipping those and prioritizing me first. Not being selfish, but more consistent with my as if attitude. Of course still being open and available to her communication bids.
After some help from my friend Lyrael, I have been thinking of my approach next time she calls.
I was thinking of saying to her the next time we speak in a kind and gentle but firm tone "I don't really feel I can talk with you right now and I ask you don't call me for a few days." I could just leave it at that.
Or I could also add the following. Then do you think the following is too strong?
"I feel very hurt and feel that i have been trying my best to be a good friend. I really like it when we can talk and share openly, it is really nice. But i feel very hurt when i am treated so coldly and even feel rudely when i am making every effort to be a friend. I don't feel like i am being treated like a friend, or even being treated very well as a person."
This might be too pursing, too pressuring, increase guilt, or just complainging.
I could just request that she not call for a couple of days and leave it at that. I could then tell her after the couple of days are up why I did it. That might be better and add more mystery.
It might not be productive to share what I feel with her right now. She isn't in a position to hear me and understand those feelings right now?
