I think I read on Renew's thread that he also set boundaries too tight before. Making himself less available to her bids for communication. I had done this as well, so I'm very sensitive in making myself availble all the time for her. The 180 which I have been doing. I'm cautious about setting any boundaries, I don't want her to think its more of the same.
I think I will say I would prefer if we do not disucss papers and related subjects while I'm at work. I feel very dishoveled after we discuss those things while at work and it is very difficult for me to return to what I was doing before. I feel like my work is suffering. I am willing to talk about them in the morning before work, in the evening after work, and even on the weekends. I am more than happy to talk to you while I'm at work about anything else, feel free to call me at work anytime.
I think she will understand and be very respectful, I'll let you all know if she reacts otherwise, then she would have somthing else going on there.
I think this is being very accomodating while not being controlling or unavailable, what do you guys think?
Does she only bring this stuff up while I'm at work? Well, most of the time yes. She does not have a home phone, does not have email other than one at work that she never checks only the receptionist, and she claims her cell phone doesn't work at home. She has the one that has set boundaries on when I can contact her, it has been really tough because this is her 180, she was always available before. Sometimes I think she is doing this to have her control.
As for what I'm doing right now for me? My outlets have been sports leagues and looking into classes that interest me. Honestly, I've been living and breathing DRing and constantly looking for research. I'm sure everyone agrees, after all of that, the only time left for me is to sit and catch my breath.
I really do think that being a good friend and having a relaxed attitude has gone a long way. Unless I'm missing somthing, she seems to be sharing a lot of the heavy stuff with me and we laugh a little too. Sharing the heavy stuff, especially her fears and discouragement makes me think she is either testing me or doesn't really have anyone in that circle she can lean on in that way. Knowing her, she is talks enough she probably shares some of that with them too (to extent she feels comfortable but maybe not all), but may be testing both of us for reactions and monitoring for herself.
It just really sucks that she can go party it up with these good time friends and I'm not allowed to have much of her time in this way. How does one keep from being thought of only in context of problems etc?
She then also leans on me for support when sharing these things with me. I guess this means she is drawing closer. I'll have to read back on some posts to see if she had been doing this much before.
