separated filed walking on II

[paul19510]

Journaling: STBXW called sat morning to confirm plans for her to take D14 to her game. Its the first game she has ever seen D14 play (she's. Been playing for a year). I was happy they did that. W also took D17 to dinner the night before. They are speaking again. I am grateful.

She came to the house early and brought her new BF with her. We shook hands and they stood in my living room while D14 finished getting ready. It was a milestone. We showed out kids that we can still be respectful of each other. It didn't hurt to see her with someone else. It felt weird but I can't. Describe it another way. Just felt weird.

I enjoyed an evening out with GF at her Company Christmas party. She smiled and laughed and hugged and kissed me a lot that night. When she smiles at me, I see it in her eyes too. I ignored that with W for years...her eyes didn't say what her smile did. I think W loved me in her own way....not in a way that I could fully understand and accept.

Now that the pressure Is off, STBXW and I are actually being better to each
other. My GF has been very kind not to poke at things that hurt.

Paperwork should be done soon. GF actually commented to me, "......when you sit down and sign it....its going to hurt like h&ll....for both of you.....I will be here when you need. I won't take it personally that this hurts...it just does..."

I didn't want to be D. I am done fighting though. I can make whatever comes next be amazing for me and my kids.