OM has NO boundaries. He opened his text to me with " I do love your boys and would never hurt them". That makes me want to puke. I can't decide if its creepy or criminal. The fact that he mentioned that he would never hurt them leads me to believe he has thought about hurting them.
Had a friend of mine (almost could call it a date) take me to a concert 2 weeks ago. She called me to tell me she woke up the next morning with a friend request from him on FB.
He showed up at S13 soccer game uninvited and stood and talked to my parents for half an hour. My parents had no idea who he was.
He showed up at our church one Sunday morning. Just the boys and I were there, no WAW, . Its a 50 mile drive for him.
Lastly, and most disturbingly, S13 told me he was in a changing room at Kohls alone with him. The day after WAW introduced them.
He has FB msged me, TM me, been to my house, called my home phone and been to my parents house.
He got S13's phone # and sent several dozen TM to him. S13 asked me what to do and I told him to send him a msg telling him to stop. I am not used to this type of person and have no idea how to deal with him.
M42 W40 T17 M15 S13 S11 BD 7-14 A discovered 7-14 WAW moved out 10-3-14 D final 2-23-15
This sounds really creepy to me, and it just might be over the suspicious line to more than that. Keep your eyes and ears open. And maybe it's a good time to just have a general talk with your boys about "stuff". You know, the no touch rule, no secrets in our family rule, blah blah.
I have a good friend who set up a code word with her kids. If, for any reason, the kids were in a bad or uncomfortable situation, they could call her (or their dad) and say into the phone, "Aunt Charlotte texted me to call you." You can use any name you want, but something you mutually agree to. The day one of her daughters called and said that to her (in the middle of the night), she jumped in her car, no questions asked. Turned out everyone was drinking and were about to get into a car and the driver was her ride home. You can use it for just about any situation out there.
I always thought that was clever.
Do you have any cop friends you could go to? I think I'd start there anyway. This sounds really sketchy...
Good luck-Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
The OM exhibits unhealthy stalking behaviors. If I were you, I'd get online and look up the state's sexual predators to see if his name comes up. Cannot be too safe these days.
Inform your parents of this development and warn them of OM's activities. This behavior is concerning especially you have children.
I would advise your S13 to never respond to OM's texts. They do not require a response. Furthermore, you and your family do not need to engage with OM. That's giving your power away.
Jiminy Cricket! I am not liking this one bit at all.
I have family in law enforcement and my job grants me access to an attorney on a regular basis. On top of that, the chief of police here in town coaches baseball with me and we know each other fairly well. I called my family memeber and his advice was to document the heck out of everything (I have been) and to get a dash cam (I did) and turn it on prior to turning on to her street. Followed up with family the next day and there was no police report filed. I ran into the chief and pulled him aside to talk about the incident and he said to document it and let it go. Both said I did nothing wrong re: the truck incident. The attorney I talked to said I did not have enough for a CPO so I will keep documenting and hoping nothing further comes from the ordeal.
WAW says OM is not going to be around when boys are there and the boys have verified that so far. As long as it stays that way I will not persue any legal action.
I have talked with both boys about what is appropriate what is not. They have lived a pretty normal sheltered life thus far and have never had to really worry about " stranger danger" or people behaving inappropriately around them. I honestly don't think anything happened in the dressing room but its HORRIBLY out of line.
I did a thorough background check on him long ago and came up with the DV convictions and the petty theft issues mentioned a few pages back. Nothing else. It was a background check not many can get their hands on. Thank you family
I apologize for the delayed response. Big weekend with both boys playing basketball and having friends over. Took advantage of one last decent day weather wise to get some outside work done after they left on Sunday.
M42 W40 T17 M15 S13 S11 BD 7-14 A discovered 7-14 WAW moved out 10-3-14 D final 2-23-15
As rpp can relate, I am an over protective papa bear. I have no qualms with confrontation and the reprocussions associated with it.... if it will protect my boys. In other words I am 100% prepared to physically protect my boundaries and my boys boundaries. WAW knows this and says she told OM she wont stand any more of the nonsense. Had a pretty emotional conversation Sunday with WAW re: church. The boys like going, but dont want to go all the time. She has been forcing it on them and they dont like it. I read her the paragraph in the dissolution where it says I have a say in their religious upbringing and told her I was making a stand on it. They want to go every other week, thats all they are going to go. We finally agreed that they were allowed to decide if they want to attend on the weekends I have them on Saturdays. For those that are not familiar : She has them Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday, I have them Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday. We rotate Saturdays. When I have them on Saturday they don't leave until 10:30 Sunday morning.
M42 W40 T17 M15 S13 S11 BD 7-14 A discovered 7-14 WAW moved out 10-3-14 D final 2-23-15
To top off a crazy week with highs and lows all over the place, I got a call from WAW early in the evening. She was crying and very emotional. S13 was angry with her and was not communicating with her and she was frustrated. He apparently said he didnt want to be there with her. Background: I stayed in the house and she moved out. The boys are more comfortable in the house they grew up in at this time. She talked, I listened and validated. I really wanted to tell her she made her own bed, so now she has to lay in it. But I did not. I offered a few reasons why the adjustment period might be a little tougher this weekend. (huge win vs rival in basketball, friends over for the weekend, huge OSU football win, stayed up late that night, S13 has a gf and she has not been tm much, we spent time together as a family at the games and it brought a lot of things back up, )
I asked her what I could do to help and offered to re-double my efforts to talk kindly about her when I have the boys. During the course of the conversation I realized how far "out of the loop" she really is. She had no idea about s13 gf even though I told her about it, and suggested she talk with him, she had no idea s13 had a basketball game today, she had no idea s13 had to wear a shirt and tie to school on game day, she had no idea s10 had a christmas program Thursday, and several other little deatails. I don't know what to do with this, or even if it should concern me. Anyway, we talked for over an hour. Real communication. Maybe it will help ease the tension. We have to communicate better for the sake of everyone. I avoid all communications with her, other than pick ups and drop offs and the occasional dissolution issues. Our interations almost always lead to anger and threats on her side and anxiety, tension and frustration on my side.
M42 W40 T17 M15 S13 S11 BD 7-14 A discovered 7-14 WAW moved out 10-3-14 D final 2-23-15
During the course of the conversation I realized how far "out of the loop" she really is. She had no idea about s13 gf even though I told her about it, and suggested she talk with him, she had no idea s13 had a basketball game today, she had no idea s13 had to wear a shirt and tie to school on game day, she had no idea s10 had a christmas program Thursday, and several other little deatails. I don't know what to do with this, or even if it should concern me.
bdub, most of this was true about my H even before we were S. He wouldn't have known about games, concerts, recitals, etc. had I not sent him appointments directly to his calendar. He never had any idea about the dress requirement on game days, he wondered every time why S was dressed up, if he even saw him at all before school. I handled all that because I thought I was being a good W. I wasn't, I created a clueless dad. But it's hard to explain to a kid why you knew about it but didn't tell dad......
I think your recognition of needing better communication with WAW is good, hopefully it will help pull her back into the loop for the kids. Be sure you are doing your part, but realize you can't make her do hers.
