If there is any vet that would like to give me some hints of how to understand what is going on, I would appreciate...
As planned H and I met on saturday night, I tough we would talk about the bid D, but as he said before we did not. We talked about us. I apologize again for making him so unhappy during our M, for being so unhappy for a long time, for being so stressed with my son's sickness. He also apologize, saying that he recognized he could do many things different and that he could be there for me a lot more, support more, and he didn't.
We also talked about good stuff, we cried, we laugh, he was nice and I end up having one too many glasses of wine. He helped me because I was very dizzy. When we got home, he helped me to get to bed and he end up in be with me. I know it was not good for both of us.
On sunday he showed up at the house to check how I was doing and said he is very worry about me, that he feels I am lonely and he knows he can't be there for me all the time. He said that he cares for me deeply and because of it he has his feeling mixed up. That he is confused but he needs to understand that maybe he feels this way because I am and was that most important person in his life, that he loved me for so long time that it is hard to separate things now.
He did apologize for taking advantage on the situation on saturday night. I told him it was not his fault and that I am an adult too. He said he is afraid I am not taking good care after myself.
He cried a lot, saying that he feels guilty for what he is doing to me, that he feels guilty for giving so much pain to all of us, including the kids, but he feels in his heart and brain that he needs to Move on with his life.
The only thing is that he said that 3 times. On the third time I finally blow up on him. Not bad, I did not yelled and was not angry. But I told him I can't change his decision, that I can not interfere in what he thinks is right for him, that I can only change myself and move on with my life. That I feel a big pain inside but I do not have a choice besides taking care after myself.
He told me he can't be there for me as he always did. That he fears that I don't have friends and that I am not being good to myself. I really don't get it.
I told him I have my friends what is amazing the support I have been getting from them. That I don't feel alone and I don't think I need to put a show for him to see that I am moving on with my life.
In my opinion, he is going crazy... I don't initiate any kind of communication, I don't ask him anything. He is the one that text me everyday for silly stuff sometimes. He is the one that calls me, and yet I don't answer him right away. He is the one inviting me to go out with him.
He is the one calling me honey, baby. On saturday, after dinner I said that he could drop me off at home, that I did not want to bother him. He said that he had a date with his wife and that he had nothing more important to do.
Oh my, I wish I can just understand all what goes in his head. I don't get all what is going on. Now I am mixed up too. He can easily end this nightmare, he can serve me the D papers and it is the beginning of the end, but he does not and keep saying all these things and can't detach from me and then say that I am the one that needs to move on and be happyl
