Need help. Jefe wants to change himself. Pt 7

[Jefe]

Twin you posted this on Arcola's thread: "Separate finances, make her choices a reality. As Starsky has told me you were fired from your job as a spouse."

This and removing the hotel concierge service with her laundry is all I am looking to do here.

I haven't been on and really posted and shared in a while. I've been so overwhelmed. I still am. I just wanted to blog right now and share some of my feelings and just get in on the screen so I can read it back and try to make some sense of all of it.

This last week since Thanksgiving has been an absolute blur.

Currently I'm not sure how many evenings the W spends at MIL's house and how many she spends somewhere else but I think the gap is growing. I could probably ask MIL but on the other hand, I don't think it's information I really want or can deal with at the moment.

Friday night I had my bi-weekly bible study and dinner. I stayed after the meeting with a few other's until very late. The OM3 information I discovered when I got home. I could tell from FB activity that my wife was awake so at 1:30 in the morning I tried to call her because I was going to set some boundaries with the money situation etc. I'm actually glad she never answered. So I just went to bed. I could not sleep no matter how hard I tried. I think I only got one solid hour.

I confirmed the next morning that she did not come home at all on my way to the monthly 7AM men's breakfast we have at the church. I talked to my sponsor, grand-sponsor, and one of the pastors while I was there, so I got some support. Since my mom had the girls I decided to go home and sleep for a few hours. During this time starting around 10AM the wife called 3 times in a short span, which I ignored since I was trying to sleep. She never texted, which was very strange. Next thing I know my MIL is at the house "checking" on me. I mean really strange. If she had texted I would have told her the deal. So I told MIL, I'm fine just trying to sleep and I'll talk to everyone later. The wife calls 3 more times and texts something to the effect of how worried I made her by calling in the middle of the night and now I wont answer my phone. I'm thinking if she was so worried, why'd it take nearly 9 hours for her to check? At any rate, by this point I just ignored the text. She seems overly worried about my call.

Later in the afternoon the kids came home, we played, ate dinner, went to the park. just had a good time and never heard from the W again the rest of the day.

So Sunday, while I'm in church and the W KNOWS I'm in church, she tries to call me. I ignored this call. I texted her as soon as we got in the truck and let her know that I was sorry for not answering earlier and the day prior. She immediately calls me. I can tell she's in the car driving. She wants to know why I didn't answer the day before and said she'd get the kids later. Then hung up.

She texted about the time she should have gotten them and said she'd be there at 4 because she didn't feel well and wanted to take a nap. So we made plans to go to the park. As we are about to leave, she texts back and says she'll be there at 3 because she is going to take the girls to get me a present from my birthday tomorrow. I said can you make it 3:30 please because we made plans. She answers back that she'll just come to the house and hang out till we get back. Huh? This is the same woman that threw a fit last week about hanging out.

We get back from the park just as she is pulling up. So, I have all of the girls stuff packed and was very prepared this time. She asked me what about their lunch because she didn't have anything. So I even had that covered. This was a turn key ready deal. But instead of grabbing them and leaving, she tells them to go watch TV because she wants to hang out and talk. During this we get on the subject of the funeral/memorial services for her aunt. I tell her I had just confirmed with the pastor this morning for a Jan 3rd service (The aunt's son/wife's cousin wants to wait till after Christmas and since she's being cremated I don't guess it matters.) So my wife makes a huge deal about it complaining that that is the same date as her pool play-off tournament and wants me to call her cousin and the pastor and see if we can find a different date. Really?

Later that evening she texts her cousin with this pool tourney diatribe and next thing I know he's texting me asking what in the hell my wife is thinking. I guess they exchanged a few heated texts. He called me later and we talked for almost an hour and he basically said that I was the best thing that ever happened to her. He also said right now he's done with her and he could care less if she comes to the service or not. Truly he does not even want her there. We are changing the date, but because of other conflicts he has. We both completely agreed that this is NOT the J******* that we both know and love.

It is so hard watching someone you love so much walk down a dark and destructive road knowing there is little you can do to stop them from making the choices they want to make. My heart aches.