I am not very proud to say that I did many things wrong on saturday night.
I was expecting to talk about our D, but we did not. Instead he was nice, we did talk about things we did or we didn't do during our M, we cried, we laugh.
But I had one too many glasses of wine, I felt weak, and he end up helping me. I was not too bad, but H end up in my bed, and I know it was not good for both of us.
I don't really regret it, but I know was not good for my DB.
On sunday he showed up at the house to check if I was OK, he told me that he feels I am lonely, he is worry about me and he feels he can't be there anymore to take care after me, he apologize for taking advantage of the situation, that he respect me a lot and want to say that he was really feeling bad about his behavior.
H said that because he care deeply for me that his feeling are all mixed up and it has been very hard for him to just let go. He cried a lot. Now, I am all mixed up too. He told me these things three times yesterday, and I finally did blow up on him. I was not too mad, but I told him I am an adult, I am not stupid and I am not asking him to be there for me anymore.
I told him that I understand he asked for a D and he wants to move on with his life and I have been respecting it, that I can't change it and I just want him to be happy with whatever decision he makes.
I think I need to go dark, get some good distance from him. I am not sure, but maybe he is not seeing my changes.
I need to regroup and reassess my goals, I am a mess today.
