To Pursue or Not

[Arcola]

It’s been a while since I’ve posted, so I figured an update on sitch was due. This week I should expect W to be moved out of the house. Today, we moved the majority of the things she wanted her rental. There are still some things left, but she was making sure she got every little thing that was hers. Not even an outfit left over. I helped her, because 1) She’s dialed down contact and or ceased with OM and 2) I feel some guilt not helping since my kids are involved in all this mess. The kids I know are confused and my oldest, 9, is sad but happy. Daughter, 9, hasn’t come to me with any concerns out of the usual. I’m hurt and angry at the whole moving out. Primarily what upsets me is that WAW has said a couple times that we aren’t done when I’ve asked. But what gets me is how are we not done but you’re so set on moving out. I’ll admit that I haven’t followed the DBing to a T, but it just seems to me she is being counterproductive of what she says by what she does.

Moreover, through conversations with me and just me guessing how she’s feeling, she has stated that she wants/wanted me to move out. I’ve apologized to her numerous times that I’ve contributed to our marriage getting towards that cliff, but I really don’t see why I should be the one who moves. At no point have I introduced an OW let alone entertained an OW during our situation or marriage. I feel some guilt, 5%, that I’m not moving out since it uproots the kids either way. The other 95% non-guilt is, she is the one who so quickly had to separate from me since she felt things weren’t getting any better between us at the beginning of our situation.

Continuing on the topic of her rental, we’ve being paying $900 a month for a home that has served the purpose of a staging home, meaning she’s furnishing it, for 5 months now. W and I recently learned that her and kids could have moved in the house prior to CPS/licensing agency approval. Moreover, we’ve learned that the info we’ve been given at the beginning of our sitch in regards to how we should proceed to still be able to adopt the kids was all misleading. Furthermore, our license has been moved/submitted under this rental home. So the way forward with adopting the kids is all unclear. Our licensing worker spoke to a few attorneys and came back with they’ve never heard of this kind of situation with an adoption and that regardless it would be up to the judge. At this point, I’m really scared as to how this will play out or the options we’ll be given. It was bad enough that we were separating (will this week)/possibly divorcing and going to adopt them.

Furthermore on WAW’s rental is that she very well may have a best friend of hers come to live with her for X amount of months. This friend of hers has been around since we were dating and I served in the Army with her now ex-husband. Her friend had a nasty divorce with her husband and now I believe is married to guy, but it isn’t all that great (both abuse alcohol). The guy she’s married to now is supposed to be deploying so it’s been some talk between her and W about her coming out here to stay since she really doesn’t know anyone in the state/area she’s in. If this happens, I think this is a major monkey wrench into me DBing anything. I’m sure some of the darker side of divorce will come out, but I think more of the chase your feelings, be happy will be predominant.

Wife has dialed down contact with OM from what she says and I can see. I think she still has feelings for him as she has said on numerous talks when we’ve spoke of OM. On our return from New Mexico, W and I had talk about our situation in which I lost it primarily when I was expressing my feelings towards OM. And this occurred again a couple of days later at our home. I thought this played a role in her dialing back how much or interactions without OM, but I don’t know if it has had any affect. As far as I know her relationship with OM hasn’t hit the sexual relations, but I due suspect (snooping) they have kissed. I questioned her about the kiss without revealing my means on our talk coming home from NM, but she denies they’ve kissed.

OM’s daughter spent the night this past Fri. because it was my daughter’s, 9, birthday. This didn’t sit well with me, but wife did ask me and I thought we were heading in the right direction given she’s cut back or ceased contact with OM. The opportunity for OM’s daughter to spend the night came about because she goes to the same after school program as my daughter and just so happened to be picking up his kids when W was picking up daughter. From what W says, she didn’t offer, it was pre-arranged by my daughter just waiting parent approval. So OM’s daughter and another girl that is a family friend stayed the night Fri. It’s sad that these situations, WAS, can have you feeling anger towards kids who are innocent in the whole situation. I didn’t let this get to much, because as I said she’s innocent, it’s her dad that I highly dislike.

Relations with me and WAW have been bitter. We’ve hugged a couple of times in the past two months, but it’s usually when her emotions are high on our whole sitch. It’s been over a month since we’ve ML. We haven’t split finances, but should be doing so soon since we’re separating and wife has acknowledged we will do this. Aside from our situation, she’s still parenting our children as she always has. And talks between us usually involve the kids.

In closing I’d like to ask for some advice on what I should do. I’ll admit before any responses, that I give myself a big 0 on GAL and 180. I make too many excuses for GAL (schedule, 5 kids, guilt in leaving wife with all kids while awake) and 180 excuses too, but how can I 180 on being affectionate, when she has said the following: it makes her mad, makes her confused, it feels so forced, she doesn’t feel anything for it)