H just left in his rushed and hurried way as he always does when I arrive home—even my baby sitter hangs around for a few minutes to go over what the kids did and how they behaved, how well they ate, etc. (Maybe I just have a really thorough sitter, LOL!).
But H hardly says anything and just runs out the door. I could see him reaching for his shoes as I pulled into the driveway. I found myself standing at the kitchen counter after he left feeling tearful and sad. I find it very painful when he leaves, but on days when he's not here and it's not his day to come over, I'm fine for the most part, enjoying my time with the kids and coming up with fun things for us to do, working, Christmas shopping, making plans. But then I see him the wind feels sucked out of me. Why?
I am proud that I was able to do some self-talk and calm down, so that it didn't escalate into some two-hour crying fit that would keep me up all night tossing and turning. Had a great GAL time with some friends tonight I haven't seen in a while and I still feel good about letting H know it was OK to go and watch football today, partly because I got some extra one on one time with S3 while my daughter napped. So it was all in all a wonderful afternoon and evening. Tomorrow I'm having the house cleaned because I can really used the help with areas that have been neglected while all of this is going on and being busy with the kids in general. If I'm able to fit it into the budget, I might do biweekly or even monthly, at least temporarily, just as a way to sort of take care of myself and keep things orderly during this difficult time. Life is very, very good. It's not how I want it, but it is good and I have much to be thankful for. I can't deny the challenge and struggles of this period of my life though.
Sorry for the ramble.
Last edited by Lorelai; 12/08/1404:40 AM.
Me: 38 H: 43 Kids: 2,4 T10 M6 BD: 1/14 11/14: H moves out
