Wife Still in MLC but has now left #7

[AJM]

Anger is part of it Matt. It can be the fuel that helps you do what you need to do. Or it can destroy you. You'll have to make that decision. In time.

Why, after that awful spew, is she suddenly being nice? Maybe, like AJ talked about, she has relived the pressure. Who knows? I have been thinking about what you guys asked...why do I care what she says or thinks. I'm not sure it's as much I care what she thinks but more of how unbelievably negative she has skewed the past 25 years. It just bugs me that she can say all this stuff, stuff she never once said a word about at the time and actually remember things so differently than I do! Also, the fact that she hits me in the things I'm most proud of. I have tried to be the best father I could and that was my #1 priority. To tell me that she left in part because I wasn't a good enough father when she hasn't been there for her kids in so long just angers me. All I ever got from her was how great a dad I was.

Ok. I actually laughed out loud at that. Not because it hurts you, but because I've been there. You're not alone Matt. Not by a long shot. I heard and dealt with much of the same over the past 7 years. For me, it came on suddenly in so much as one minute she was professing her undying love and telling me how lucky she and the kids were, and the next her "re-remembering" the past to paint me as a horrendous monster and her as super girl. Literally. She actually went as super girl for Halloween that first year.

You should know that you were and are the best father you can be. She can say what she will - if you look at her track record I don't think it should really bother you much longer. I think you more or less want to be heard and not feel so nuts.

It will likely continue for a very long time, Matt. If you let it. If you don't, it will either go away or won't matter because as you hear such things (in case you have to) you'll hear the truth in your head.

Me? My ex did the same for years. Still tries and when she doesn't directly, her husband takes up the cause. In case she forgets, right? I stopped responding unless critical. I don't get angry when she tries to overstep her rights as a parent. I don't play games. I could cause all kinds of havoc for her, but that would just prolong me having to deal with her.

My last email exchange with her and OM? It started out as an innocuous request for insurance information that she turned into a dram filled tirade. Her OM finished it when he demanded my kids I tell them I don't love them because I won't do what their mom demanded. I didn't respond after I had already given the needed information.

This is years later, Matt. And that's just one instance. The accusations etc? There are many. I doubt she even remembers half of them. She's said as much when I reminded her she didn't want to be a co-parent (her words).

It's been said that happiness lies somewhere between what should be, and what is, Matt. I know what is. I know what should be. I do not (any longer) confuse the two.

You are not alone, Matt.

I don't think you should expect any different and I think you should be looking for ways to limit the conversation and interactions as much as possible. Be the first on your block. She'll try to paint herself as mom of the year at your expense. She will. It's what she knows from watching her own family. From her own need to be "right" and you "wrong". It won't really matter if its true or not. At least not for now. Years from now? Maybe, but not likely Matt. And this is not a stress you really need, is it? Put it down and walk away. You deserve that at the very least.

AJ