daring, You are doing the best you can. You can't be super mom and balance all of the balls at once. Your mother's memory isn't good and she's going to say things like that. Some of the things she may say may hurt you, but don't take them personally because she really doesn't know what she's saying. Time for her is lost in so many ways. I do hope the "sundowners" will be better now that she's a bit better. My father developed that while in the hospital and it's something to deal with.
Your h sounds like the sitter ticking off everything that he and the kids did, right or wrong. As for the dog and cat, your h and the kids took care of cleaning up the mess. If you don't feel like decorating the tree, then let the kids do it while you sit on the couch w/your feet propped up. You don't have to go over board this year w/decorating. Keep things as simple as possible because you do have a lot of stuff going on.
Your h was uncomfortable and feeling guilty. He can't stand to be around people who are upset or ill. He doesn't know how to deal w/emotions such as comforting you because that old empathy chip is broken. It makes him uncomfortable to see the strong daring having some teary moments. I'm actually surprised he stayed as long as he did.
I do hope your son is feeling better soon. I do think that once you've had the IRS meeting, you'll feel a bit better.
If the tree doesn't have lights, so what. Try not to sweat the small stuff. Hang in there.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
