Thanks LT, AJ and 2B. The weirdness continues.....since W had her spew, she has been nicer than she has been in a long time. First the smiley face texts, the asking for something nicely instead of demanding...now she texts me this morning offering to have D14 stay until tomorrow so I don't have the 30 each way drive. Just pick her up tomorrow. I texted that would be great as I have been doing my courses non-stop and am a bit burned out. She texted back an offer to keep D14 longer if I needed the free time to study. Now, to her, that is actually a big thing as, unlike me, she see's having D14 as a "burden" where I love having her. I know she meant it as a good thing, not as a way to keep her away. I declined but thanked her for the offer.
Why, after that awful spew, is she suddenly being nice? Maybe, like AJ talked about, she has relived the pressure. Who knows? I have been thinking about what you guys asked...why do I care what she says or thinks. I'm not sure it's as much I care what she thinks but more of how unbelievably negative she has skewed the past 25 years. It just bugs me that she can say all this stuff, stuff she never once said a word about at the time and actually remember things so differently than I do! Also, the fact that she hits me in the things I'm most proud of. I have tried to be the best father I could and that was my #1 priority. To tell me that she left in part because I wasn't a good enough father when she hasn't been there for her kids in so long just angers me. All I ever got from her was how great a dad I was. All the times I had to be the one who did anything for my girls (I even had to go and get D19's prom dresses with her because her mom couldn't be bothered), how they could talk to me but not her about things that bothered them. How the 3 of us would try and find ways to get her to do something, anything, together as a family and were almost always disappointed. How can she still not see this. Just like her actually thinking she was "calm" when she freaked out about the clock when she went crazy even scaring her own kids. It just is so annoying. How am I ever going to come to anything close to a "fair' agreement with her when she is so delusional? It didn't help that I heard from her that my lawyer was dropping me! Add in the stress I'm already under from getting my chit done for the new job, making money, paying my bills and it just exploded in my head. I was already feeling so angry about how deep in the hole I'm going to be while trying to start over while she is sitting pretty. I never would have done to her what she did to me. I never would have left her before she went back to work when she was a stay at home mother, no matter how I may have felt about our M or her.
I am much better now. Although I am feeling very negative about her in general. Crisis or not, I just have lost all respect for her. For her to not even see her own bad behavior for what it is just really blows my mind. I guess it shouldn't since she isn't thinking rationally and to expect rational thinking from her is just stupid on my part. Time to just worry about me and what I need to do. I have got to stop letting her find ways to derail me no matter what!
