Help - I want my sparkle back

[123Gwen]

Lou - I completely relate to your situation. H said in January his employer was going broke and he must look for new work. He is highly specialized so searching out of state. Timing wasn't great for the kids but planned to sell the house and I would rent an apartment and stay here with youngest until graduation (2 1/2 years). I agreed that looking for a position as a defense was a good idea, just in case.

He rocked our world in May with BD and move cross country under the guise of this great job. Luckily I refused to sell the house quickly because everything imploded(discovery of OW, money gone, lies, etc.) otherwise we would be homeless.

He deposits some money each payday. It is not enough to make ends meet and those deposits only be because mortgage is in his name and child is 16. I am working to get a legal agreement in place because I have not worked outside the home 20 years. It is going to be starting from ground zero. I have no money or skills.

He has only called me once since he left. Very limited texts and maybe 3 or 4 calls from me before I went NC in October. Children have not heard his voice since summer. Only texts on holidays to the girls and never asks them anything. My daughter calls the "insert holiday here" texts. We are completely disposable like an appliance he no longer needs.

Even my attorney couldn't get a response. If we go to court it will be because he just won't respond and this is my only recourse. It is odd how H won't just acknowledge us. I love him enough to let him go but my children and I do not get that respect.

It sure hurts like a pain I have never experienced. The indifference. The feeling that you don't matter now and did you ever really matter? Please take care of yourself. It is not you. It is your H. I am coming to understand this as the days pass that H is truly in turmoil. He may always be this way but you can't help him and if you tried then it would only be self defeating.

I didn't think H was a Narcissist but the more I reflect and read I realize that certain personalities have these tendencies that show themselves in midlife. They vary to different degrees but it is NOT YOU.

All your posts are lovely. You seem logical and empathetic and kind. You can get stronger because you have the tools inside of you. DBing is all about self preservation.

This is going to be a beautiful adventure for you. It is not about H anymore. IF in the future he comes calling then you can deal with that issue. Hang in there. You are doing great!

PS - Sorry for the hijack. Your H's behavior defies description. That feeling of being discarded... You are not alone.