Well it's been awhile. I've wanted to journal my thoughts recently but it's been so busy, and I just feel indifferent. I ended up having a great time on thanksgiving, with a couple of friends and their huge extended family of people I didn't know at all. I've been enjoying taking more time far removed from my sitch, spending time with people who care for me, and don't understand at all why someone would do this to me, and just tell me I'm better off moving on. For now, that feels more and more like the preferred outcome, and more and more what I want. But every now and then I stop, and it still feels strange and sad.
I'm in a fairly tough money bind these days, and yesterday I asked my W to chip in to cover some bills. We still haven't come up with a formal agreement for who pays for what. She has no money at all, so had to ask her mom. She referred vaguely to spending a bunch of her last check on medications for being sick, which I'm tempted to think has something to do with her possible pregnancy. She said she was trying to figure out where all the money had gone. Her total foggyness and disorganization is just getting tiresome at this point.
Cleaning the bathroom yesterday, I did notice a tampon wrapper on top of the trashcan. But when I checked again last night, after she left for the night, there were no more. (Typically they are all over the place when she is on her period, I know this because I've always cleaned up after her). So not sure what to make of that. Feels like a mystery I will never solve, from a woman I might never understand or trust again.
