Jim0987 #6 - starting a bit of a rebuild

[jim0987]

so this weekend is my W's turn to have the kids. she took them to her mums and then to see santa - im disappointed to have missed this. I think (but dont know) that she spent Thursday night with OM2

they got back late friday (I made sure i was out when they got home) so that we could all go to D3s nativity play on saturday morning.

we all went to the play and had been any warmth between my W and I this would have been a really nice family trip out. I really noticed how stressed my W seems, get cross about the fact i put coats on 2 mintues early or that i was close (But perfectly safe) to the road when i picked D3 up so i could carry her. we were friendly all afternoon, I played a lot with the kids and it was the nicest my W has been for a long time.

I was meant to go out just after lunch but my mate postponed so i didnt go out to 1600 ish. As i was leaving my W made a comment about 'new shoes?' - they arent but its there first time in ages she has made any kind of comment about my appearance. I dont think she knows where i was going. Anyway I had a really nice meal with him and his wife and crashed at their place.

Got back early this morning for the kids swimming lessons (takes 2 adults to make the logistics work). I was happy and positive and my W was ok. after lunch we put the christmas tree up - this should have been nice but it actually wasnt much fun because my W was miserable about something (i can only guess) and i felt a bit false with the pretense of happy families. D3 really enjoyed it though.

while i was doing this there were a couple of references to the upcoming move and I also found a photo from our holiday in july of my W and I looking happy together (she has since told me that she was done long before this was taken). I definitely think she noticed me looking forlornly at it.

Ive kept myself busy doing little tasks but had to stop while S1 had a nap and D3 watched a film. W wanted to cuddle D3 but D3 wasnt interested after the film finished D3 and W had a falling out so D3 came and cuddled up with me. we played a game really nicely for a bit. During this time my W came and told me off (tone was condescending)

W: Why did you put D3s swimming costume in the tumble dryer
M: I didnt realise its not supposed to go in there
W: Of course its not. unless you want it to shrink to nothing
M: Sorry, I made a mistake
W: Well why did you think it should go in there
M: it was a mistake, I didnt realise
W: well now I've had to sort it out
M: thank you

In the past this is exactly the kind of exchange where I would have made some sarcastic remark which she would have taken as a massive personal insult. She also says i have a sneery look. I dont think i did but i cant be certain as i never noticed doing it in the past.

I went back to the game with D3. A couple of minutes later my wife told me that it was her weekend and I 'was being really unfair.' and then she asked D3 to come and do some colouring with her. I encouraged D3 to go and I excused myself and came upstairs in order to keep out of the way (where i am now) they are happily playing downstairs.

So plus points in all of this are that:
- I've mostly just got on with things
- I've done small tasks which my W has asked me to do regarding her moving out
- Ive done a really good job with the kids
- I've expressed gratitude for all kinds of little things (maybe a touch too far)
- I wasnt sarcastic or reactionary when she was telling me off. I made a mistake and acknowledge this

A few other comments between W and I, have also shown that we actually want basically the same things out of life and enjoy the same things. The problem is she doesnt trust me, feel safe around me and isnt attracted to me - all fairly substantial barriers