Really too late....

[lost18]

I am not thinking about dating at the moment, not even close to ready. Just one more reason I don't want to be in the situation I'm in. I will cross that bridge when and if I get there.

I am having a very hard time detaching though, after almost 10 months you'd think it be easier. Yesterday we were getting ready to leave for D13's tournament, kind of standing around "waiting" to leave. He said if you don't want to go don't, you can go tomorrow and I'll stay home. I told him I thought I was going to stay home tomorrow (today) morning. He said oh, then I'll stay home now. Instead of being detached and saying ok, first thing out of my mouth was "you already told her you were going." He said, "she'll be alright" to which I replied "whatever H" (not snotty). I'm sure he could see on my face that I was disappointed. Grrr...he did end up going. Part of the reason I didn't want him staying was because I want him to have as little opportunity as possible to have "face" time with OW. I need to figure out a way to let go...detach, for my sanity. ughh!

As far as opportunities in the evening, I do run a couple times a week with a friend, D13 also has practice a couple of nights a week and I play softball on Fridays. Although my kids are more than old enough to be home, and with H here there is no issue anyway, but the evenings are the only time we have as a family. Dinner, homework and such. I feel like if I'm always off doing something I am losing time with my kids, even if they are in their rooms, at least I'm home if they need me and to tell them good night.

I am going to try to get more exercise in, 2 days a week is not enough so I will work on that. I feel like if I can just get through Christmas it will be easier to move forward.