I want to make only a suggestion, as you try to evaluate your reasons behind some of the strictness in your household. I certainly do not know this about you, but over my lifetime I have seen this happen in some newly dedicated Christian men. I can understand how the lines get a little blurred with being head of the home, controlling your children, and being taught your W should submit to you. Sometimes (depending on how it is presented through teaching), zealous Christian men can get a few things out of balance. So my thought is maybe that was your case, but IDK. Only you could know about that, and I am not trying to help you find an excuse, it is just what I wondered when reading your thread.
We have all made mistakes with our kids and in our MR. How I wish I could go back in time to do things differently! You are young enough you can still start over with yourself. Of course, you hope it will make a difference in her feelings toward you, but there are no guarantees. If you will earnestly work to make lifelong behavior changes so that you will be a better man, I believe your other relationships will be blessed.
If you don't want the kids sitting like zombies in front of the TV, then give them so many shows they can watch during the day. Your job as the leader is to protect, provide, teach/educate, and show them how to work through problem and how to live. Some of those life lessons will come by demonstrating it yourself.
I know you didn't bring this up, but in keeping with the main subject of this post, remember the scripture about wives submitting themselves to their husbands? First, the commandment is to her, and not you. It is up to her, and not your job to make her do what you want. Men who think they have to emotionally whip the W into submission is really off track with that one. Then, secondly, that scripture simply means she is to respect him. Which, can be a tall order if he makes it difficult for her to admire him as a man/husband.
So, you really have a huge responsibility on your shoulders, don't you? You have to be the man a woman could "honor" as her H. I think that would fall under the heading of "Be a man any woman would be a fool to leave".
Okay, so there is your Sunday devotional.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
