asked him to leave, but really want him to stay

[FunDad]

Oh God, I'm so sorry. I know how you feel. It seems that each step in this awful process is just another blow to your emotional well being.

Well, here is some Hope and advice for you Hope:

#1 - The legal system is very good at bringing civility to our relationship when we can't. I was impressed with my lawyer, her lawyer, and the community of lawyers I now know (unfortunately). The process is meant to bring equity to the entire situation including finances, kids, and living arrangements. Kids are #1 priority. Distribution of finances is #2, and splitting every thing up is #3.

#2 - Find an attorney who can work well with your H attorney. They do this all the time and it's shocking, but it's really no big deal to them.

#3 - I know for the LBS the pain of this is absolutely excruciating. But it will pass! It absolutely will. Practice your detachment, GAL, and PMA and you will be amazed at what starts happening for your emotional state regardless of what the WAS does.

As far as your forgiveness issue - Once you ask forgiveness of another person, if they choose to withhold that - That's on them, not you. When you ask for forgiveness, you put the monkey back on them. Love says that we all should forgive (notice I did not say forget). So just because he won't forgive you, does not mean you should hold on to it! Let that go! Just as you would forgive him without being asked to. Both situations release pain and guilt that we are not designed to carry around in our hearts. There is a new book out called the five love languages of an apology by Dr. Gary Chapman (same guy who did the love languages). It's a great read and goes into this concept in depth. It's one of the first things our last MC tried to help us with.