Quote: they can sense that tense energy and then are wary with you. Vibes mean everything.
rj is right on with everything; connecting, common interests, reinforcement. Not being overanxious or tense is key; a BIG one we probably all need to work on.
I keep coming back to the fact it took a crisis in our lives, to refocus and work on listening and communicating skills.
Looking good sh, and don't ASSume, my favorite thing among others.
Hi Seattle, Sorry I have not made it over in some time to chat. Busy busy busy... I am glad the light at the end of the tunnel looks a little brighter for you. You are and have done a great job with your sitch. I am always amazed at your strength to keep at it Seattle. It is rare to come over here and hear you whinning and moaning, You always seem to just pick yourself up and jump back into the ring for more. If your w cant see your determination and love she would have to be in a coma. Be proud because if you do manage to save this you did it and deserve the credit. So many times we see marriages fall by the wayside but if more people had your strength and goodwill toward the institution of M it would be alot better percentage of M rather than D. Your a good man, stay the coarse and keep youyr chin up. Like I have top tell you that... God Bless, Eddy
Quote: Man this is slow, it took 5 months of S and OM to get to this point?
This is so true.....I think it just takes them time to start getting their head a little bit clear when they are not worrying about being in the same house w/us so they start to melt a bit? I think that you are seeing positives here and that's good. These are small baby steps but something none-the-less. It's a step in the right direction. Eddy is right, you keep on picking yourself up and finding the next thing that might work.
Rj2 did give you some excellent info, maybe some will work for you and continue to break the ice.
I would have to say that you should back off w/dog. It kind of seems like pursuing (to me). She gives you a little bit of time and then you ask for the next one. I liked the advice to ask if you could come on x day and let her pick the time. Maybe next time you could just tell her see ya later and see if she mentions when you might be back to walk the dog. If not, you could call a few days later and then mention it. Just something else to try to see if it's a real connection or not and proceed from there.
Take it easy. You're doing fine w/connections. She's being receptive to them. You're climbing the mountain more every day . Tootles..............
Quote: I think it just takes them time to start getting their head a little bit clear when they are not worrying about being in the same house w/us so they start to melt a bit?
As usual Karen is dead on,
Maybe this will help slow down your pace and help you, as well as me and everybody, be more PATIENT. I admit to looking for immediate changes and know this CANNOT be the case. Everyone says it time and time and time again, patience.
i didn't know if you read the last post. I don't have your email address and I thought you could send me one so I can reply. Don't worry, it is nothing earth shattering, but it is important.
triple j
Things were different then. All is different now. I tried to explain, somehow..........
Eddie Vedder (Pearl Jam)
RJ, Karen, Wonder, Betsey, Merrick, B, Eddy and everyone else, THANK YOU so much for your continued support. It is such a great comfort knowing I have my DR friends to rely upon.
RJ - Thanks for the insights and time the other day, I really appreciate your support and the help. I'm putting together some goals and objectives, I might just email to you instead of post everything.
Wonder - Glaciers move too slowly for me! I always want to take it and run with it. I have to remember it is a two steps forward and one step back process.
Karen & Merrick - I think you guys are right on the dog. I will back off and make it more flexible. Don't want her to get a pressuring or pursuit vibe here. I thank you for pointing it out to me! I was beginning to get that feeling, but I really needed some constructive critisisim.
Betsey and B - Thanks for the support!
Eddy - It was great to hear from you. Thanks for the encouragement. I need it often. I somehow keep going in to get beaten up time after time, I don't know if it is stupidity or courage. It has often been said there is a fine line between the two.
You're doing so well... and your patience is to be commended. It's really tough when better things happen, but I have traveled this road long enough to see what it can bring.
Take care,
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
Thanks Betsey. It is really hard to remain patient. I'm sure everyone can relate to this. I keep trying but it is really hard with such little progress.
My best man from my Wedding is moving to town from LA. This will be great for me because he is a good friend. I have invited him to live with me at the house until he finds an apartment. Realistically, this could be temporary or he could stay, going to play it by ear.
I need everyone's opinion on this. What do I tell the WAW? 1 - Be mysterious - He is moving to town and will be staying with me and leave it at that, should I say living instead of staying? 2 - Be honest - He is moving to town and will be staying with me until he finds an apartment or somewhere to live 3 - Be like I'm moving on - He is moving to town and will be living with me 4 - Be casual - Not say anything at all until she somehow finds out and just mention it like it was nothing (doesn't show very much respect?)
Main objectives. 1 - I don't want to backtrack on any DB efforts we've made so far. 2 - I want her to feel welcome at home and feel like she has the option of coming home and that nothing is a barrier or would make it more difficult for her to coming home 3 - I want her to feel respected and considered 4 - I want her to come home
After our last R talk, we essentially agreed to work on our friendship and I agreed (many times before too) to not stand in the way of her D papers. I have said I would look at the D papers and comment. Since then, some very small baby steps and more contact, all in context of friends.
I don't want to push her away any further, but I somehow wonder if this isn't the first step in making her feel like I'm really moving on? I also wonder if this is Gods way of either helping me to appear like I'm moving on or telling me to move on? Either way, in the greater "context" of where we are in our R currently, I wonder if appearing to detach and move on would draw her closer? Would it push her further away (he really doesn't love me)?
Should I be casual in my delivery (not respectful) or be more serious sit down talk(respectful but maybe pressuring)?
Quote: Key to focus on your similarities and commonalities with W. This is basic psychologogy that people are attracted to those they can connect with in their current values, interests, passions- those who have similar lifestyle,etc. Maybe it's about time you check out some punk music?! heehe! Completely mirror her in even small things like behaviorisms, tone of voice, communication style.
Great advice! When W and I were getting dressed to go out to the mall the other day, we had actually put on very similar outfits. It was funny, and we definitely looked like a couple while we were out and about. (Just don't go overboard on the similarity making and mirroring, you're still you also)
Quote: As usual Karen is dead on, Maybe this will help slow down your pace and help you, as well as me and everybody, be more PATIENT. I admit to looking for immediate changes and know this CANNOT be the case. Everyone says it time and time and time again, patience.
Mmmmmhmmm. I know I need to remember this one too. It seems sometimes when I get a babystep, I'm already vying for the next one. But I'm learning its much better if we savor each success as it comes, and trust that if we keep doing what works more will come.
Quote: It is rare to come over here and hear you whinning and moaning, You always seem to just pick yourself up and jump back into the ring for more.
Yes!
Quote: I need everyone's opinion on this. What do I tell the WAW? 1 - Be mysterious - He is moving to town and will be staying with me and leave it at that, should I say living instead of staying? 2 - Be honest - He is moving to town and will be staying with me until he finds an apartment or somewhere to live 3 - Be like I'm moving on - He is moving to town and will be living with me 4 - Be casual - Not say anything at all until she somehow finds out and just mention it like it was nothing (doesn't show very much respect?)
How about a little of 2 and 3 mentioned casually in your next conversation (not contacting her just to tell her about this). Something along the lines of he'll be staying with you while he looks for a place, but you've told him he there's no rush? But be respectful of her too... if you choose, you could honestly ask her how she feels about it, it shows you value her opinions (just be ready not to react right away to whatever she might say). Does that sound plausible?
. Tootles..............