I feel like I've regressed back to the beginning of this whole mess. I've done nothing but sob all day. I slept until 3pm and then took a drive to try to clear my head and get out of the house. I ended up at a local reservoir looking over at the water -- but the weather was chit and it was raining and super cloudy and dark. I haven't eaten since yesterday and it's almost 6pm here. I just can't choke down the food.
I feel ridiculous for saying that I'd rather be single for the rest of my life than without BF -- both because on one hand I feel he's not worth that and on the other hand it makes me a weak person. But that's the truth of how I feel in this very moment.
I'm going to see if I can get in to see IC more than once a week until I return to a place where I can function like a normal human being again.
ME: 38 BF: 40 T: 10y, no kids, no M (by choice) BD: 7/14/14, BF admits to PA, wants out, lies about new R. 10/1/14: I move out, BF lies about move in with OW 12/4/14: OW confronted, reveals all the lies
