My story of WAH

[seaspin]

4 months ago, when WAH was buying furniture for his apartment, he also purchased a bookshelf that I've been wanting for a long time. The understanding was that I would pay him back plus go 1/2 on the truck he rented to carry the furniture. After he delivered the bookshelf, I texted asking for the amount so that I could pay him. No response.

He just now emailed asking for this money. The email also talked about moving forward with the D. He wants to get started now, wants his $ back for the bookshelves, AND put a dagger in there about how I need to put half our savings in an account that he can have access to. Said he told me to do it a long time ago and didn't. So much anger!

Backstory - 4 months ago, I tried to get him to go to a MWD intensive. He got mad that I would even think of such a thing (it's very pricey) and saw it as me trying to get him back & wasting our money. He demanded I give him passwords to all of our financial accounts since he didn't trust me. (I'm the financial bookkeeper in the family) I never did and he never mentioned this again until now - 4 months later. Why? If it's so important, why wait this long? Same with the bookshelf money. It's like he's all of a sudden woken up and shooting all sorts of daggers at me.

I'm not sure what to say about the savings yet. I don't trust him. He spent much of our savings on his new apartment after he said he was going to get everything used from goodwill. He spent marital $ on his "dates". Really, half belongs to him, but again, I don't trust that he won't spend it before the D, which means less to divide out. With our current financial situation, he deposits part of his paycheck in my account and part in his. After he purchased all his furniture and paid for his apartment, it was understood that he would live off his current "allowance". There was no understanding of how to divide out the savings yet.

I feel like he doesn't need the savings. I do since I am a SAHM taking care of 3 children without him. I'm not using it, but it's there as a cushion. He can get his share during the D. It's hard to be neutral and not resentful. I also don't want to come across as controlling. Where is the balance between controlling and just protecting myself and my kids? If he really wants half I may suggest he draw up a legal document for it as suggested by my lawyer...

The odd thing too is that he doesn't want us to use attorneys so we won't pad their pockets and take $ away from the kids. Since when is he so concerned about the kids? He spent alot on OW.