New, looking for help. WAW won't communicate.

[okjpc]

I don't know if anyone is reading this topic - I'm posting quite a bit and it feels like it's not connecting with anyone, but it is helping me to vent a bit.

I got DR in the mail (read DB a couple of weeks ago). Scheduled a coaching session for Monday. DR got me in a good frame of mind yesterday. Actually, it made me a little angry about my sitch. W leaving me and my two kids w/o any contact since. I've had no contact w/SS, with whom I was very close. I'm being forced to get rid of the house w/o her income. And when she left she blamed me for every problem in the R.

So I actually went to bed with more resolve to stick to the going dark. This morning I took my kids to a family martial arts lesson for the first time in 2.5 months. We used to all go as a family. I wanted to get exercise, get my kids some exercise and reclaim the class. Everyone was welcoming and nice, but on the drive home I began to cry. It reminded me of two years when we had that routine of driving to and from class 3x/wk, my W and i in the front seat, listening to the radio. Also, my house is showing for the first time today, so my kids and i are frantically cleaning in order to get it ready. And i bagged up the remaining clothes and shoes that my W left in our closet and am taking them to a clothing swap today. All these things really hit me at once and I have spent the past 1.5 hours crying off and on. My kids keep coming to me and giving me hugs and I keep reassuring them that everything is fine.

Man, I thought i was past this emotional upheaval. I'm getting through hour by hour. Reading the forum, looking forward to some time to read more DR today, looking forward to my coaching session on Monday. Trying to GAL is still hard.

I feel sorta pathetic posting like this and don't know if anyone is there, but I appreciate this forum being there nonetheless.

-John