Um, I'm going to take a slightly different view...
This: I brought up whether it was appropriate to spend money on extra-marital activities. "Would you be ok if I spent joint money on an expensive gift for my boyfriend?" He said, "Sure, that's fine. I know you aren't the type of person to go crazy with spending. I trust you."
makes me laugh.
You know why?
It shows he hasn't even thought you could possibly have a boyfriend. He can't fathom you would have a boyfriend and so he answered that question glibly because he does trust you. You've absorbed thirteen months of separation and absolutely no feeding of your love tank and you're still outright asking him to come back and fix things with you. You've given him all the power. In his mind, he can stay gone as long as he wants and come back any time and you'll be glad to have him. There doesn't even seem to be any expectation of him doing any self-examination.
He was answering whether he thought it was ok for him to spend money extramaritally because he's very very aware that he hasn't really lost you. You've urged him to come back to the M every chance you've had. You haven't looked like a woman who's made changes and moved on. You've looked like someone who made changes for him and has been patiently waiting in the window for him to notice you.
I'm not trying to kick you while you're down. I'm really not. I hope my saying this so bluntly will open the possibility of a different tunnel to you. You see what I just posted on my own thread a few minutes ago (and writing this to you now confirms that I'm on the right track in my own situation, in spite of my wobble), so you know I understand how you're feeling.
I mentioned to you not too long ago that you seem to have lost your power. Find it! Where is that awesome sassy voice you were using to clobber foolish fellas a few months ago??? Do NOT give your H the ability to kick you in front of a bus. You are worth a LOT more than that.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
