Thanks EVERYONE for responding, I really appreciate the support.
jstx - Always good to hear opinions. I like you have been approaching this day to day. You're very right, just when I think I am done, somthing happens to give me hope and faith. I also have realized it is my choice, I have the freedom. I guess I'm seriously considering that option now.
Question for you and everyone else, did you ever get to the point of really accepting the D papers as what they want and then act accordingly? What was WAS reaction? I wouldn't do this as a strategy, but because I feel it is the right thing for me. At that point, am I a friend or am I just friendly?
Renew - Thanks, I'll look for that poster's name.
Merrick - I will look at that thread. I like your definition of detaching. Just when I'm there, I go back to feeling violated at times. It is a choice and within my mind. I do think I may be detached enough that I want to detach further. That might mean I will just let her push this thing and let the chips fall where they may. I don't know yet.
Quote: I'm just an innocent bystander here but her ACTIONS don't convey a person who is happy. Are you making assumptions here? Does this idea come from YOUR insecurity? Remember, W will SAY crazy things...don't listen.
Christine - You may be right, it may be my own insecurity and to top it off all the things she SAYS. I know I shouldn't listen to that stuff she spews.
I don't know how well equipped I am to answer my own question about D papers. She accuses me of not respecting her and considering her. So the ultimate 180 would to do this together since she doesn't want to use lawyers. But you are right, I don't know if I could be true to myself by doing that since it is not what I believe.
If we go through the process together and working as a team and as friends, that may provide more DRing opportunities, build the relationship between us. Or maybe not. It would be the hardest thing in the world for me to do.
Karen - I do beleive we are going through this for a reason, we will all be better people for it. I know I am.
As for the being happy, I know better than to listen to WAW. I see how unhappy she is but unfortunately she blames her unhappiness on me. She won't forgive me and still holds onto the pain and she considers me the reason.
B - thanks for the words of support
Wonder - didn't know about your car crash. hope you are much better now. yes, the million dollar question. options 2 and 3 on your thread. i go back and forth. maybe that is what i do going through it if i let it happen, flip back and forth. i have a feeling though i will really need to not see her much if papers are filed.
I'm afraid if that is the case, I have little contact since she pushes me out and runs away from me she will have no problem detaching from me and I have lost her. But maybe you are right, I don't want this state of limbo anymore and am through with it.
If that happens, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't want her back if it is legally final. For a lot of reasons, but mostly trust. Should I tell her that at some point? In my mind this is forever?
So much for patience consistency unconditional love. I'll see if my batteries recharge and I have more energy to go on. Maybe thats it, I'm so overwhelemed and this is so one sided I'm just plain tired.
