Wife Still in MLC but has now left #7

[AJM]

Matt, to say that things with her are toxic, is an understatement. She seems to get angry at things and you're the whipping boy. You really need to remove yourself from that. When you do, you'll see the patterns and see things differently. Seriously.

I could have written that post of yours at one time in my past. I feel for you, but I also see the other side amigo.

You can't see the forest for the trees at the moment. It's still too close. Too personal, even though it isn't.

For perspective - she tells you about her re-remembered past. Where was all that before? She has a hard time and "vents" by taking it out on you. Then doesn't feel good about it, and retreats. Or seems giddy and happy (now that she's unloaded on you).

The only person that can break that cycle is you. She won't do it. She doesn't have the tools to do it.

As long as you care what she re-remembers or thinks, you'll walk into that meat grinder time and again. I know. I've been there too. I have the t-shirt and scars to go with it.

T2 once remarked that for him a time came when he realized his life was his. No more blaming her.

I'll go a step further. No more looking to her for a shared past or for validation of past experience.

The most dangerous kind of liars are the ones that believe their own lies. That is who my W has become.

If you believe that, then you need to take the appropriate action. Know what that is? Hint: it's not to prove her wrong or expose her lies. It's not to out-parent her or compete in any way.

She's her and has her issues.

You are YOU and have your own as well.

There's no need to hear her 1.5 hour rants. It serves no purpose.

You have to remember that W isn't rational at all and it's no use arguing back or trying to rationalize with irrational.

Break the cycle. Can you think of ways to do that? Without things needing to be "fair" or called out? But in a way that works for you? There's no need for anger to be shown when doing that. She won't like it. She'll try to hang on to her punching bag. But you can stop the cycle. YOU have that power and do not need to keep going back for more.

What you're doing is going down a cheese less tunnel.

Break the cycle.

Question: Do you feel like you need her approval of your actions? Why?

AJ