My waking nightmare

[Lorelai]

I am struggling tonight. This flu is getting the better of me. I just got the kids to bed but I'm not quite ready to go myself. This is one of the hardest parts of the night for me since my husband left. I hate the quiet of the house, even though two kids bouncing off the walls when you're sick ins't easy either, but still...

I don't miss who my husband is now, but I do miss who he used to be—funny, with an off the wall sense of humor that matched mine—we just "got" each other, as cheesy as it sounds, handsome, sexy, and overall someone I could go to if i had a problem and someone who was always considerate of my feelings, and very concerned if he thought he hurt me. He used to call three or four times a day or send emails to see how I was doing. Fast forward to today and he's gone, god knows where he is right at the moment, and I'm sitting here on the couch sick (I know it's just the flu, but it's a pain when there's no one to help) after a long day alone with two small kids. And yeah, I'm ticked a little that my husband didn't even bother to reply to either of my texts regarding whether I needed extra help today. I didn't end up needing the help, and I texted him that, but he couldn't even be bothered to text back a "sounds good, feel better." or anything like that. He is glued to his phone 24/7 so it's not like he didn't see the texts. None of this is him, absolutely none of it. It's freaky actually, like he's been abducted and replaced by this mean, angry, dishonest, inconsiderate jerk—a mean, angry, dishonest, inconsiderate jerk who is in a lot of pain right now, so I need to keep that in mind and remember to have empathy. I would not want to be where he is emotionally, where he can just walk away from his marriage without putting forth real effort toward rebuilding our relationship. Time to breathe.

One other thing that bothers me though is during all of this, he NEVER calls the kids. He never checks in on us. I mean, we're not out in the middle of nowhere but what if something happened? I'd be able to reach five or six other people for help before I could find my husband. And don't my kids deserve to have their dad at least say goodnight, and not just show up when it's his days like he's coming home from work? Maybe I'm overreacting. Maybe it's the nyquill but either way I'm feelin' this tonight big time.