Having a baby every two years is extremely hard on the female body. I once read a doctor's article that said it actually takes a woman's body two years to completely recover from childbirth. And if there were hormone issues........oh well. Just as she is getting one through weening and potty training, it is time for the next one. No wonder she was upset when she learned she was pregnant again. A lot of W's would not have continued to have sex with a H who shrugged off her feelings of not wanting to go through any more pregnancies. So how was your sex life afterwards?
You talk about your resentment, but it sounds as if it may be your ego in pain. You are mad that she chose another man over you. You were mad before OM. What about her resentment and how you were using her body to produce you more children and dictating how you wanted her to breast feed, etc. You knew you would not be there to help her throughout most of the trying times. To women, this looks like control.you wanted to tell her what she would do with her body. You wanted to control what the kids did even though you were not there to endure the long day. Somehow, I have to think if you had kept those little one as much as she did........you would have relented and allowed them to watch TV.....or anything to keep them still for a few minutes while you were having to do some other work.
You are anger now b/c she is doing something you cannot control. Most newcomers talk about their hurt and devastation, but you have a completely different tone to your post.
I know you can't undo the past, but you really need to try and put yourself in her shoes. I always heard it said that if men and women could both have babies, no family would have more than three children. B/c she would have the first one, he would have the second, she would have the third......but he would NEVER go through childbirth the second time.
My grandmother had twelve babies, and grandpa was a proud peacock (as if he had done something great). He couldn't wait for her to heal over having the baby until he was trying to get her pregnant again. Yet he never did one thing to help her b/c he saw that as "women's work". I suppose it was against his religion also, b/c if she begged him to let her rest, he made her kneel and get her heart right with God. She was not allowed to sleep until she submitted to his manly needs. I hope you are not anything like he was, and the reason I told this to hopefully have you see how a woman's love could turn cold to a man who gave her such little consideration.
I don't see how you can forgive her with resentment in your heart. And until you can take a long, hard look at yourself, I don't think you will work on self improvements. If you think you can, maybe you will make out a list of things to change.
Right now, I think you will need to stop making some half excuses by saying she could have done this or that (in other words, gone against what you told her) and saying she should have talked to you. You will not save your M unless you change yourself, first.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
