I swear it's like you were in the room during the "cushion incident"
That's EXACTLY how it feels. I can see how my reactions cause this in him.
OMG. So accurate. ----------------------------------------------------
OK---so WHAT DO I DO ABOUT IT?
Suggestions?
I know this is a time-sensitive thing. I can't pussyfoot around him for the rest of our relationship. That's part of why I'm thinking I might be done.
That dynamic is so unhealthy, and ends up being turned on me. But I can do it for another year. I really can.
And let me say that the discussion about the STUPID cushion was EXTREMELY low key. I was very calm, didn't raise my voice, was really under control. Still, he reacted that way. I hardly accused him, belittled him. HE brought up the note and deflected away from his mistake. I guess his "solution" was his "apology". I never thought of it that way.
But why can't he just say "Sorry, I made a mistake. I won't throw anything else away without asking you." ????? I don't get it. -----------------------------------------------------------
And you're right. He probably did "hear everything I wrote in the parentheses" even though I didn't say it out loud.
How can I talk to this man without feeling like every minute I'm supposed to massaging his self-esteem? It's exhausting.
Everything seems to upset him, and generally, I'm nice as pie. Really I am. Yet if I'm too nice, that upsets him too!
Probably that old guilt again. My being nice to him after he's been such a chit to me surely pushes that "she's just trying to be superior/make me feel bad" button. Or maybe,,,"I feel like such a cad and here she is being sweet... now I feel like a worse cad. So it's HER fault again!"
Or it's the "I don't want to be kind to her because it would give her false hope." Which of course is a crock because being kind is a far, far cry from asking to get back together or even having lunch with me. -----------------------------------------------------
Like I said, it's LOSE : LOSE. No matter how you slice it.
I can't wait to read what you come up with next.
And Jack-Three-Beans---if you're reading this, you can STILL hear me play. I'm out there today but now it's traditional jazz/blues.
However, I'm trying to start a band across the pond with Ggrass as the front woman, and kml kicking it on drums. We'll keep you posted.
