still holding on - 5

[u-turn]

I'm spiraling a little today. I took some time off today from my teaching job to work on projects for my business and cannot get myself to focus.

This morning I told W that I wasn't going in to school today because I had some meetings. I was trying to be a little mysterious with it - even though it hasn't gone well with that plan in the past. She was agitated by this (that I didn't mention this before - even though it has no affect on her). I knew it would bother her, but didn't care. I still made the kids lunches and took them to school.

I received a text from her later -
w:we are not getting to a point that we can open up to each other. you do not talk to me.
me (way too much and big step back ): I would love for our lives and marriage to be healthy and normal again. I do not like communicating or being this way.

later she asked me about gifts for D14 and S17 like everything's cool.

I know she wants more regular communication. I just have a hard time with it because I am thinking of the issues too much.

I am having a hard time being consistent.