Lorelai, it's so hard to witness the breaking of our kids' hearts. They're resilient, yes, but I believe not without residual effects. I believe the WAS tells themselves anything just to get past the guilt but the LBS is the one who really picks up the pieces. 90% of my own broken heart through all of this is because of D's broken heart. (((Hugs))) to you and your son.
Card, once again, you nailed it. Critiquing H's way of handling D's expressions is not a good idea given my history with criticism and emasculating. But I had my own chat with D and she was able to eloquently express that she felt like the rope in a tug of war between H and me. She is so good with words and I'm ever so grateful because it helps me see more clearly where she is and how she's handling things.
Today, H was a little more empathetic and qualified his question of "where is this coming from" by saying there was either an external trigger (he means me) or an internal one. I explained that I was sitting on the couch going over my calendar for next week and she popped over with this picture. I asked her to explain it to me. That's it.
He said, "oh, ok, so it was just internally triggered. Wow, well, she's having a tough time with this"
I was grateful for his recognition.
He also mentioned our anniversary and asked if I felt awkward with him coming to the birthday party we are attending as a family tomorrow. I told him that if I didn't want him to come, I would not have invited him, anniversary or not.
That seemed to reassure him.
I did not acknowledge the anniversary at all. Just didn't know what to say.
He also said the holidays were really hard for him and recognized they were hard on me and ad, too. That's huge to me. I wish I had validated more in that moment but I'll have another opportunity tomorrow.
One step at a time.
I'm breathing. And I'm not on the floor with my vacuum. These are pluses.
I am also making movement towards getting D the help she needs. Her pediatrician is helping to get the attention of the head of pediatrics at Children's Hospital for the behavioral development department. I'm hoping to get some serious help and guidance there.
I'm also looking at touring a school for the gifted somewhat locally. It's new and I'm hearing very good things. Here's hoping things continue to unfold well in this department.
