Quote: I mean, just the fact that we stick by our S's when they are going through their junk makes us the most admirable type of people. Think how much of the world is reacting to what others say/do and we are beyond that. Hey, ever write up that list of all the great things about you!
Standing by our Ss I think makes us true to our own values and allows us the peace that we are living with integrity. That's so important in the long run, no matter what happens in the M. (and for me, seeing the many men standing for their Ms on this board really gives me hope for the future should my H stay on the D train.)
I think going through this process has opened my eyes to all sorts of other interactions-- mine and others. It's helped me become more "me" and less of who I wish not to be.
I like your list idea. My girlfriends and I make lists each year-end of at least 25 things we consider accomplishments in the year (can be anything). I recommend it.
Seattle, about the PMS, the key is to just go into any conversation with the idea in the back of your mind that her emotions might be all over the place, and that's often already the case for some of the WAS.
Yes, she might be opening up more then and don't discourage her by any means, but don't push either.
I'll give you an embarrassing example: right around the bomb time, my hormones were so out of whack that I actually broke down in tears in anger at my puppy for refusing to walk down the stairs (basically I yelled at him for being a puppy, yes).
Now if you knew me, you'd be as stunned by that as I was at the time. SO not me. Another time I just completely overreacted to something H was saying-- it just hit a trigger and I was off.
And I used to think my friends who talked about PMS were crazy because I never had those experiences before. High stress situations + PMS can be a tricky combo.
Betsey's analogy was great. I just haven't figured out what ultimately turns the no into a yes that sticks.
