KGirl, You are so young... don't worry so much about age, it's better to worry about what you do with the time you are breathing.
What about looking good, going back to school and do something you enjoy, go out "not looking for a date" but feeling good about every minute you have to be happy.
About feeling angry... let yourself feel all the steps of grief, it will allow you to feel better with time and there will be no guilt. You sure collaborate for the deterioration of your M, but H also did. Life is a learning process and recognizing your failures and your successes will give you a much better chance to be happy in the future... with or without your H.
Be patient with yourself... sometimes it's very confusing to understand if taking care of the practical side of life is controlling or not... in my opinion, I think some people are very responsible and there is nothing wrong with it, and some people are not and they like to rely on others to do the dirt work. I also struggle with this with my H, once I gave him all our bills and info to make payments online... I tough was easy for him, but I found out we had a lot of late fees the next month... so I took it back.
My fault that it happen? No, I don't think so, I think I am just a very real person with simple expectations. Do what you need to do to live everyday in our society.
Try do no stress yourself thinking your qualities are the problem here... one thing is for sure, you will do well for yourself always, you have a thinking head and knows what it takes to have a responsible life... now about your H, who knows, maybe he will struggle even more if you are not there to take care after stuff.
Please, feel young, beautiful, charming, you got it. I am almost 50 and I am feeling pretty sexy these days. With D or not I lost some of the weight I was struggling to lose and now I feel really good.
Hang in there sweetie, give time for your heart to heal, it won't happen overnight. And keep some faith, detach and see what happens when H sees your are moving on with your life.
Most of the time we value more what we think we are loosing.
