Jim0987 #6 - starting a bit of a rebuild

[jim0987]

As per GoatGals instruction, to follow up my ‘100 things that make me me’ I came up with a list of things I’d like to change. This is better than my previous list of things I don’t like as its slightly more positive in tone

Things I’d like to change about myself (that can be changed)
1) Stop needing external validation and reassurance
2) Stop making everything about me
3) More socially outgoing
4) Buff up (tone rather than bulk)
5) I wont negatively compare myself to others
6) More self confident
7) More assertive
8) Just get on with tasks rather than procrastinate
9) More financial freedom
10) More financial security (a buffer/safety net)
11) Get some grown up conflict skills and stop the avoidant behaviour
12) Id never sulk
13) be better at managing my frustration
14) Understand social rules better
15) Recognise when I’ve gone too far in making my point or with my jokes
16) Realise I’m going too far and stop before it gets there
17) Recognise and respond appropriately to emotions in others
18) Connect and engage with emotions better in a more positive way
19) Become more emotionally persuasive (less reliant on reason and logic)
20) Better listener (learn to be a reflective listener?)
21) More consensual decision making
22) More charming
23) More suave
24) More conscientious
25) More compassionate
26) More mindful
27) Have better understanding and control of my defence mechanism
28) Respond better when other people are upset
29) To be able to focus better without needing to be stressed
30) Stronger, more confident and relaxed body language
31) Be ok with my strengths
32) I’d believe I have something to offer and might be first choice.
33) Be able to dance (have some rhythm)
34) Lost my fear of rejection
35) Confident that people will love me (and not insecure about it)

I often think that I’d like to be more of the traditionally attractive macho tall dark and handsome type (OM2 is this by the way) – but I am so far off that its ridiculous and wouldn’t be possible. This is a big problem with my negative comparisons, i will always compare on the things I don’t compare well on.

I wonder (out loud now) whether the reason i think this is that it gives me an excuse – I could never be that so I can put myself down and feel sorry for my self and be upset about how unfair it is rather than making the most of what i do have and being confident with it. You can't fail if the failure is outside of your control