Mindsin - Part 7 (Dark times)

[mindsin]

Last night, my W wanted to talk to me. She says she feels trapped in this house, trapped with me as her husband, trapped in this life that she doesn't want. She broke down and cried hard. Pleaded with me. Said if there is one gift that I can give her, after all the pain I put her through, is to simply set her free.

She reiterated that she doesn't want to be my W, now or ever. She will never want to kiss me again. She doesn't want to hug me. She is disgusted at the thought of me even touching her. She then revealed to me that for years, she's been embarrassed of me in public -- that I have poor social skills. She felt she could never look at me proudly and say "That's MY husband". She looked at me in ridicule for years, but never came face to face with it because she had feelings for me. She loved me. All of these things she said last night.

I wish it ended there. The conversation turned towards my past infidelities. She asked me if I had intercourse with any of the women I spent time with. She had thought I didn't this whole time, because I've lied to her. But now, I wanted to be nothing but honest with her so I came clean. I told her that I did.

She cursed me for making her defend me in front of her friends whom she confided in, as well as defending me in front of the OM (believe it or not). She told the OM that she felt bad that they were having sex because I never crossed that line. Little did she know at the time, that I crossed that line many times. Everyone told her she's a fool if she believes I didn't have sex with them.

I felt the rage inside of her. She said some really nasty things to me, which I felt were understandable.

"Sex with [OM] was far better than anything I experienced with you."

"I wish the children were never born."

She concluded with, "I'm filing this month."

I think my situation is at the point of no return. I just don't see how (even in the most optimistic of scenarios) that she could come back to me.