Why are you meeting with H and OW? Can you do that with a counselor or attorney present? I am worried you are still processing so much that you may not be detached enough yet. H is counting on your emotions to validate his decisions right now. It may sound silly but can you agree ahead of time on agenda items and stick to the list? I keep thinking a meeting with H and OW is exactly what is best for them and not you.
If you must meet with them please see if maybe you can do this at your counselor's or pastor's office. This way you have a buffer and a witness. Obviously you'll have to meet her but the holidays are a tough time. It would be better if you could just get through the month at normal speed.
The other thing that you may want to rethink is your promise to legitimize H's timeline of events. I agree that airing dirty laundry is never the best way to handle things. Your kids are young and vilifying their father is not the answer but to say you'll keep his secret to everyone, even if they ask is not respecting your marriage. It is also being dishonest. It also makes him feel valid in his version of events. You told him how you value honesty and then said you'd protect his lie. That is a mixed message.
Fth, hang in there and know you have lots of people here supporting you.
M:25 years at BD w/ 2 daughters BD: 5/14 Separated 6/14 - H moved cross country w/OW D Final 9/17
“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.” ― Maya Angelou
