GGG(G), My W just spent over an hour telling me how I and our kids felt for the last 10 years. You see we were all miserable. When we laughed together, we were miserable. When we were out having fun together, we were (all of "us") miserable. This is because SHE was miserable! He doesn't like it if you aren't miserable like him. He was unhappy so you should be as well. Not only that, it wasn't her (or his) fault he was unhappy. No, that HAD to be your fault. Every time we have had a R talk, the length of time she has been "miserable" has increased. It's now up to much more than half our M.
Your H and my W are much alike in that they NEED someone to pin their unhappiness on. My W blamed her father until he came to her and wanted to "make-up" for things that he did. So, now dad isn't to blame...who is? Must be H! My W also hates when I'm "too happy" (doesn't jibe with "everyone, not just her, were miserable). She doesn't like when I'm unhappy because she thinks (like your H blames you) I will blame her...besides, there is no way that we can expect sympathy since we have caused so much unhappiness in them! Heck, we're lucky that they give us the time of day since we are so very evil.How dare YOU the bringer of unhappiness, expect anything of them. And to point it out, well that's just too much!
GGG, he, like my W, "knows" we have no right to expect, let alone point it out if they fail, them to do anything for you. You have taken so much from him already, caused him so much pain and hurt, you need to just appreciate that he hasn't D'd you already. Him just being there to "help" you should be met with bands and flowers thrown at his feet. You just don't get this and when you show or point out something he did "wrong", well that is just too much! In response he will get angry and sullen. Complain under his breath about how "ungrateful" you are that he hasn't D you already and he works himself into a thither. It comes in passive aggressive behavior because then he can say it's you just seeing things but inside he knows he got you to be as upset and unhappy as he is and it makes him feel better.
This is how I see the way your H acts. Of course, this is just MHO but this is what I have seen from my W!!
